Any word you speak is alive and can either cause harm or good. You may forget but the other person will never forget it.
Never tell your spouse or child that they are useless, or you wish them death or they will never amount up to anything. They will never ever forget it. For a child it can kill their self esteem and for a spouse it can cause long lasting damage to your relationship. USUALLY ANGER CAUSES SUCH OUTBASTS.
A WORD TO THE LADIES: Do not be a nagging woman.
A Word to the Men: Do not be Harsh.
II. LISTENING ACTIVELY
Good listeners are present.
They put everything down and focus on the person talking to them
They give the other party eye contact.
They observe the other party’s body language.
Communication is more than words:
In a conversation : 7% is content ( what they have said), 38% Tone ( voice intonation) and 55% body language.
Watch the other person as you listen, you will get more out of your conversation.
Barrier: TV, New Papers, Social Media, timing.
They have empathy.
They put themselves in the other person’s position. What if am the other person, how would I feel. Try to listen with your heart even as you use your head.
They come into the conversation with an open mind.
Seek to understand before they offer their opinion or their judgment, or defense
Defensiveness: We all have a self-protection instinct. But, becoming defensive with your spouse rarely helps to resolve conflict and typically reduces the conversation into a blame game.
Prov 18: 13 He who answers before listening— that is his folly and his shame.
They affirm the person who talks to them by giving feedback and by asking clarifying questions. You can only do this if you first listen instead of thinking about what you are to say next.
Proverbs 15: 23 A man finds joy in giving an apt reply— and how good is a timely word!Prov 15:4 The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.Proverbs 16:245 AREAS OF COMMUNICATION
Everything; Money, Work, Spiritual things, concerns, joys.Talk about children, talk about bed-room issues.
All the people in the family. Every head of the family should intentionally give space to every member to express themselves. Parents; this must be intentional. When children are shut down at home they will grow up with a timid spirit and that is the worst thing you can give your child. Timid people suffer to fit in society.We must give our spouse the space to share their feelings.
At the appropriate time.
When you are calm and not angry.
Never Deal with Difficult issues when you are tired, stressed or hungry.
Public: to appreciate and acknowledge good behavior and good work done.
General information that everyone in the home needs to know.
Private: When you want to share concerns with your spouse.Concerns with your older family members. People never want to bring shame to them publically.Seeking clarity on a roamer you have heard about the mature members of the family.
HOW? Lovingly and not harshly.
Clean language and never abusive language.
Never attack the person deal with real issues. ( you are dumb, all people from this tribe are like that, all this is not acceptable)
Criticism: Complaints are normal but criticism deals more with your spouse’s character and personality. Examples: “You’re an idiot,” “You’re such a narcissist,” “You have no sense of humor.”Contempt: This results from long simmering negative thoughts about your partner that turn into disrespect.
THE 3 MAGIC PHRASES IN A FAMILY
I love you
I am sorry
I was wrong: Acknowledge you hurt your spouse, your child or your parent.
I am sorry: I understand that what I did affected the other person and I am willing to change.
Please forgive me: I am committed to change and I need to reconcile with you.
I love you: I am committed to our relationship, for either the spouse or the other member in the family.
Where are you?
The Holy Bible: New International Version. 1984 (Pr 12:18–19). Grand Rapids, MI: Zonderva
The Holy Bible: New International Version. 1984 (Pr 18:13). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.
The Holy Bible: New International Version. 1984 (Pr 15:1,4,23,). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.